When I was growing up if I talked back to my father he would swing back his hand and smack full force across the face. There was just always a line you didn’t cross. As I got older the line blurred slightly but still there is a certain amount of respect you show your parents. Even today I drastically disagree with him but I would never and have never cussed him out to his face. I might have said a few things behind his back while I was in the midst of fury but cussing him out to his face? I just wouldn’t do it. I am curious how teenagers continue to move boundaries where now it almost seems there are none.
I know this might sound shocking but I am made of flesh and blood. I am human. As such I also get angry, get sad, get stressed. I deal with things well and sometimes not the best. It is just our nature. This weekend I happened to be under a lot of stress. I had things going on that were unfortunate and difficult to deal with. Even so, I chose to let my kids participate they best I could in activities that they wanted to. Even though kids don’t always understand what is going on they are perceptive on issues that are occurring.
My one request was the house get picked up with all of their stuff (my oldest had two of her friends staying with her) before it got too late. I had to check everything and wanted to spend some time relaxing myself. My elder daughter stated emphatically that she wanted to go out for pizza and would clean up when she got back. It was against my better judgment but I caved and agreed as long as it wasn’t too late. She left with her friends and as the clocked moved quickly by I found it around 8 PM. I just wanted the job completed and was now becoming anxious. I called her on the cell phone, stated I needed her home. She answered and agreed to leave right then. The restaurant was only 15 minutes away at most.
Children Screaming 2Come 8:45 and still no daughter I was now losing patience. I called again and she said they had left and were on their way. When I asked her about the noise in the background she fessed up saying they had not left yet but were leaving immediately. Now I was pissed. Do kids find it so easy to lie? My girlfriend was waiting to eat dinner. I had not eaten dinner and I had now been standing here for 45 minutes while she hung out chatting with her friends. I told her she had 15 minutes to get home or she was grounded and hung up. She wandered in about 10 minutes later not understanding how I could possibly be angry. What had she done? She was home. They were cleaning up. Who cares if I had eaten? Who cares if I stood over there waiting for her for almost an hour while she lied about leaving? What had she done wrong?
Admittedly in my overly stressed state I was more angry than normal and I was finding it difficult keeping the volume of my voice at normal levels. This lasted about 1 minute. Even though I was angry who was I to talk to her like that? She started cussing me out. Calling me a fxxx this and a fxxx that. Every other word out of her mouth started with f and ended in bastard or asshole. This was my daughter. The girl that I have raised. The girl that I clothe, I feed, I love. The daughter that I spend hours talking to her school counselors and teachers. She was cussing me out like a drunken sailor in front of her friends and anyone else that would listen.
This was then followed up with a little hitting and kicking which oddly seemed more for show than aimed at hurting me. I don’t have any idea why she would hit or kick me but the attempt was infantile. She did manage to scream at me with renewed vigor when I tried to hold her arms to calm her down. I guess my parental rights don’t allow me to even defend myself. The preaching I do to my children about no hitting seems to have gone unnoticed. I firmly believe that parents should not hit their children but I need to now add I firmly believe that children should not hit their parents. Not sure why that is needed to be clarified but I guess I need to teach the basics again.
Children Screaming 3In the end it was a very sad day. She has made so much progress and to see her digress to an uncontrollable state was disheartening. I have finally drawn a line and told her that she is no longer welcome in my home unless she can follow some basic rules. No cussing me or any adult out and no hitting anyone. She chose the cussing and hitting option and called her mother to come and pick her up.
Anyone have any ideas. I can’t have a child live in my house who has zero respect for me or herself. How could she think this was acceptable behavior? No matter what I said to her or how angry I was she crossed so far over a line and she doesn’t even see it. In her mind I was still wrong. It was my fault. I am the one who is to blame. If anyone has any advice, shoot me an e-mail. I am all ears.
In the meantime I will love her but from a distance. She is hurting and sad but I have lost my ability to help her it seems. I will simply support her and do what I can but will not allow that again.
Not in my house.
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